You Are Not Your Anxiety

We all carry some form of trauma or baggage, whatever you want to call it. Some of us have things from the past that hurt us still and it’s heavy to carry. Some of us deal better then others with the pain and anxiety we carry from these experiences.

Personally, I struggle with anxiety.

I’m a worrier. I worry about how I look, I’m not skinny enough, pretty enough, tall enough, smart enough. I worry if I do enough for everyone around me, my job, my boss, my kids, my boyfriend. I worry I’m too much, too emotional, too sensitive, too loud, too big, I think too much, I feel too much. My brain can go a 100mph and I’m in chaos, trying to hold everything together.

But this is not who I am; I am not my anxiety, I am Liz. I am strong, dependable, funny, outgoing, loud. I fight for others'; I am loving; I am accepting; I am loyal.

I think a dirty secret about anxiety is the hangover that comes with it. I get so stuck in being upset with myself for being tricked into believing my anxiety and worry even more that is all people see me as. The real me gets lost.

I can’t tell you how lucky I am to have a partner like James. This man is so ridiculously patient with me and shows me so much grace, probably more than I deserve. He is my balance and I strive all the time to be more like him.

He tells me all the time I am okay, even when I’m having an anxiety episode and I’m not. I asked him this week (when my anxiety had the best of me) why he says that? His reply, “ I just wait, I know you’ll get over it.” To be honest I’ve had to sit with this response. I mean every girl wants to hear the mushy gushy response “Cause you’re so beautiful and amazing and I can’t imagine life without you.” I sat and I thought about this response and became floored with my realization. It touched my heart to know that he cares for me enough to just wait. Wait for my chaos to calm and the storm within me to disappear. And he never reminds me of my anxiety or the fact he had to wait, he just does it (all the time!). To be honest James is not one for words, he doesn’t write me poetry or love notes, but his actions, they are amazing every day. I couldn’t really ask for more.

If you struggle like I do please know you aren’t alone, ever. You aren’t your anxiety.

James, thank you for caring for me enough to wait. You are the best thing. I love you always