Why ‘WAP’ Offends Me Less Than ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside'
The stars of 1949’s Neptune’s Daughter, which made the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” famous.
I was browsing Facebook one day when I saw a friend post this:
Usually I’d employ my strategy of the roll and scroll (roll your eyes and scroll along), but for some reason this post stayed with me all day. Let’s get this out of the way first: Perhaps I’m more prudish than my friends (a quick consultation with Laci and Charity confirmed this), but I don’t like ‘WAP’. If you haven’t listened to ‘WAP’, I don’t encourage you to google the lyrics. W-A-P is an acronym for Wet body part that starts with an A, body part that starts with a P. The rest of the song is chock full of sexually explicit metaphors that really paint a picture. I searched for an excerpt of the song to include here, but being that this is a family site, I came up dry.
And yet, I am admittedly still far more offended by ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’, the premier song from the 1940s’ film Neptune’s Daughter that has been remade scores of times, than ‘WAP’.
Because I know that date rape occurs not just through physical force, but psychological intimidation. Sometimes the perpetrator even incapacitates his or her victim from giving consent because of alcohol or drugs. Through beautiful harmonies, the male and female singers (written as “wolf” and “mouse” in the original sheet music) describe this exchange:
Her: Ah, you're very pushy you know?
Him: I like to think of it as opportunistic
Her: I simply must go
Him: Baby it's cold outside
Her: The answer is no
Him: But baby it's cold outside
Marital rape hadn’t begun to be criminalized until the 1970s and people didn’t begin talking about date rape until the ‘80s, so I doubt these topics were part of society’s collective consciousness in 1944 when ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ was written. But it is now. We know better, so we must do better. And that includes having hard conversations about problematic lyrics.
Now that I’m a parent, I often think of things not just as I see them but through the lens of my children. What do I want for them and their futures?
Do I want my daughter to own her sexuality when she’s mature enough? Yes. Having had a very religious upbringing, I know how damaging purity culture can be for a couple. It puts the onus of sexual restraint on young women, forcing the blame onto them and them alone if a couple engages in sexual activity outside of marriage. This has long-reaching effects on the physical dynamic of couples and often results in sexual dysfunction. Purity culture also tells women they should be ashamed of their bodies, which is a lie Cardi B clearly doesn’t accept. Good for her.
On the other hand, do I want my daughter to be vulgar about her sexuality? No. Sometimes I worry about how far we’ve allowed culture to push the envelope. Is there a bottom? Describing the sexual experience in the crassest terms possible is not what I want for my daughter.
Do I want her to feel confident that when she decides to end a date, her decision will be respected? Absolutely. Romantic interest does not equal sexual consent. I definitely don’t want her to be seen as the “mouse” to someone’s “wolf.”
Ultimately, here’s the deal (and this is a hard reality for parents to accept… I hope you can see me wringing my hands as I attempt to type this): Every woman’s sexuality is hers and hers alone. No one should be able to make decisions about it but her. I worry far less about how she chooses to express her sexuality than whether or not her decisions are respected. If your child is young, so you think it’s too early to be thinking about this, I have news for you: It’s not. Future women are currently young girls.
To me, this controversy reflects society’s attitude toward women: That sex that is freely given, pursued, and enjoyed is more dangerous than sex that is coerced or taken. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and its continued cultural relevance perpetuates the idea that a woman’s original “no” response to a sexual encounter is not allowed or acceptable and those who rail against “WAP” suggest that her explicit “yes” isn’t either. I wholly reject that.
I don’t know whether ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ or ‘WAP’ should be banned from the radio. I would like to think we live in a world where those who are uncomfortable with either song can simply flip the station. I don’t consider CardiB a role model to young women and there are things about her past that are problematic. But one thing I hope we can all agree about is that normalizing forced sexual encounters is bad for everyone. It is bad for us. It is bad for our children. It was bad for our parents and our grandparents.
As women, we don’t have to accept anything but affirmative consent whether it is spoken, sung, or rapped.
Just imagine.
