How to Talk to Young People: A Guide

I recently started down a new career path that checks all the boxes: I make good money doing work I’m passionate about while getting to spend more time at home with my family.

The only downside is that I am literally the only person in my age bracket at work. Everyone else is drastically older or drastically younger than I am. It’s quite the phenomenon:

• I’m the only one in my office who was alive during the Monica Lewinsky scandal who isn’t yet eligible for Medicare.

• I’m the only one in my office who can’t go out for drinks after work because I take my kid to guitar practice.

• I’m the only one in my office old enough to realize why it’s important to save for retirement but isn’t old enough to need it yet.

When a 20-something co-worker called the other day, I had to quickly recover from shock that someone under the age of 35 was willing to use their phone for communication other than texting. I slid my finger across the screen and expected a cheery, “Hello!” Instead, I got, “Heyyyyy queen!”

What? Had there been a coronation I wasn’t aware of? I stumbled for a few moments before realizing that queen is a term of endearment young people are using for women they admire. This was good. It meant she liked me. I decided to return the compliment.

“Hey… killer.”

Awkward silence ensued.

Needless to say, my new job has had a number of learning curves not the least of which has been learning how to communicate with young people. Apparently while I was off having babies and starting a business, they were creating a new language. Kids these days.

Because I’m nothing if not generous, I’ve decided to share young-people lingo with you. I donned a hazmat suit and perused Urban Dictionary so you wouldn’t have to. You’re welcome.

Please save yourself some embarrassment by perusing the Gen Z Dictionary:

Slay: Killed it. Often combined with queen or king to denote a male or female who has done a good job.

Broccoli Head: A guy with curly hair. I think.

Peep: Look at

No cap: No lie

Full pop: Full price, no discount

Spamming: Doing something annoying over and over again

Stamp: Denotes finality, something you’re done with, confirmation

Vibes: Feelings

Iconic: I mean, I feel like this one is self explanatory, people are just saying it a lot now.

Dank: Cool. Could also mean “street drug.” Please don’t ask why I’m talking about this at work.

Dark insert name here: The evil version of a person. Someone who is in touch with their shadow self