Reflections: How I am Coping with COVID-19

This post was written by Guest Contributor Tina Tootell, who wrote about healing from childhood sexual assault as she parented her own young children here.

Photo Courtesy of Tina Tootell

It’s Saturday and Montana has put into effect a stay at home order to try to flatten the curve of COVID-19.  You may leave for essentials and you may travel for outdoor activity. Travel restrictions are not being enforced and policed.

Montana is the place to be at a time like this.  (That’s not an invitation to come here.) We decided to go to the family lake house. When I show my kids the pictures on the walls of past generations who made this possible for me, I am thankful for their vision for this place.  It has become our happy place and a place of solitude. Yet, as I sit here I feel the heaviness of a tragic story unfolding before my eyes.

It's easy to numb and binge on episodes of Tiger King.  It’s easy to keep yourself busy in order to keep from feeling what is happening right now.  You may be feeling intensified anxiety as the weight of what is being asked of you lays heavy on your shoulders.  For most, you have been thrown into multiple roles- being a teacher, working from home, making all your meals. There is an added stress of trying to protect your family from this virus as we discover more about it.  Fear of the possibility of death by coronavirus and whether we are doing everything we can to protect our families and others. You may be worried about how you are going to pay your bills because of unemployment. We are in fear for the lives of our loved ones and friends who are on the front lines.  Maybe you feel guilty for not being able to be everything you need to be.  

Queue the next few episodes of Tiger King.

Photo Courtesy of Tina Tootell

I sat on the rocks this morning, watching the lake and listening to music as my kids explored, and  I thought, “God, what have I learned over the years? How has all the healing I’ve done prepared me for what is happening now?”  I realized nothing...nothing. We are in uncharted waters and the uncertainty is terrifying.

As I continued to search my heart and soul for the answer I let the anxiety and stress of the world melt away and listened.  I felt an overwhelming peace come over me as I realized I have experienced things that have given me tools to help process. Right now it is important to take care of our emotional health and well being. I wanted to share with you some things that I felt were relevant right now.

It’s easy to ignore your feelings.  It’s easy to keep busy instead of face the things that scare you.  Give yourself permission to completely feel your feelings whether you like them or not.  Then, recognize when it’s time to walk away from those feelings. Those feelings will hijack you EVERYTIME and take you somewhere ugly and dark.  If you find yourself there it’s hard to find your way out of that place.  

At certain times in my life I was faced with the reality that I can’t control the situation no matter how I tried.  The only thing it did was exhaust me. At some point I had to surrender to the fact that no amount of worrying, stressing, and thinking could fix my problem.  Right now is one of the situations. You can’t control what is happening so stop. Rest. It will not change what is happening. Use that energy toward something positive.

Find the things that give you peace.  Find YOUR peace. Listen to soulful music. Create. Sing, dance, sew, paint, write.  Go for a walk, do yoga, exercise. If you have the ability to go into the woods, find a mountain, or stream. If you need professional help.  Get it. Give yourself some confidence by learning what you can do to help boost your family’s immunity and protect them.

You don’t have to do it all.  Throw perfectionism out the window.  Let go. It’s ok. You will be ok. Show yourself some grace.

Courtesy of Tina Tootell

The thing that helped me not focus on the bad was HOPE. Hope for the future.  My hope is that you guys can rest and find your peace in the story of our future.  I hope you create. I hope you see this time as an awakening...a renaissance of our souls.  A time of healing. A time of restoration. We are all part of this story that is unfolding.  Let it be one where a nation came together for the greater good and created, fought and prayed for each other.  Where we became resourceful, where we put others first and overcame, and in the midst of chaos became closer despite the distance.

The past few years have been filled with anger, hurt and pain for everyone as our country has become so divisive.  It’s time to heal. It’s time to love. It’s time to rest. It’s time to remember what is important: We are all humans. The fight we are facing right now isn’t each other, it’s for our lives and for humanity.