Parent Group Forms to Connect Bi-Racial Families

This week we are focusing on privilege. We understand that the battle against racism begins at home, and that teaching our kids to recognize systemic injustice will move the needle toward a less-prejudiced world. We invite you to do the same and are sharing stories and resources that will aid in that journey.

My seven-year-old daughter is enormously creative, kind-hearted, and strong-willed. My husband is African American, and I am white.

I was born and raised Missoula, and we plan to raise our child here, which delights my heart, but at times it has worried my mind. Is the community kind enough? Is there enough cultural diversity? What will my child’s experience be? I have already been faced with these questions and doubts in her short life.

During a Martin Luther King Jr. remembrance, my daughter’s teacher showed an animated video of black and brown children being sprayed by hoses and attacked by dogs. Although the images were brief and the overall message of the video was positive, my daughter took away the fears of being treated like the children she saw in the video. When I tried to communicate her take away of that video with the school, I was quickly dismissed and misunderstood. Sadly, I realized what I hoped for a learning opportunity with the teacher and school was not on the table. I was told my daughter was too sensitive and the video was animated, as though that made it better. I felt completely frustrated for her and saddened by the adults in her world who could not put themselves in her little shoes or even open the door to have a discussion about the impact that those images had on her. 

While there are many differences between Missoula and other communities across the nation that are waking up to the social injustice and racial inequities people of color face around the world, Missoula is not immune to the call for change. I wanted to create a group for parents raising black and bi-racial children in our community. What I learned in our first meeting was that my daughter’s experience is one of many, and sadly her story may be minor in comparison to what other children have faced in our communities and schools. What I wanted in that moment was for the school to recognize that those images, may they be brief and/or animated meant something terrifying to a child who directly identified with the victims of those acts. I wanted to have other parents in my circle who could relate to the feelings of wanting to advocate for your child and fearing that your advocacy would make the situation worse. I wanted a group of moms who got it. I think that this began my hope for a group that could be understanding when the ones I expected (the school and teachers) were not.

I have found that for parents raising black and bi-racial children there is a common thread to our experiences in the community and in school. I wanted to start by bringing together parents who could speak on these very issues, so I created this group to allow parents to find a space to voice their experiences, find support and connection, and collaborate ideas on how we can do more.

It isn’t news to anyone that we are navigating a challenging time; amid a pandemic, social and empathetic division of great proportions, and boiling over injustice across the nation that is directly impacting black and brown communities. It is overwhelming, and the thought of asking parents to add one more commitment to their already busy lives is a big ask. I realize that, and so I was beyond grateful when others agreed to meet with me and share their stories. 

My hope for this group is to allow parents to find a space to voice their experiences, find support and connection, and collaborate ideas on how we can do more. This is an effort to bring people together for a collective cause of improving our communication with the agencies that serve our families, our relationships with neighbors and friends, and to continue to build a more inclusive and supportive community for all. Although we are in the infancy stage of building this group- we have already tackled thoughts and considerations on how we can encourage change in our community to support diversity, inclusion, kindness, and opportunity for dialogue on topics of race, education, and parenting. If there are readers who are interested in participating in this group, they can reach me by email at lwaller.parentgroup@gmail.com. 

To read more about this subject that was discussed at the last meeting: click here.