Being a Military Family on Memorial Day
Like my family, you have probably spent your Memorial Day weekend enjoying your first camping trip of the season or hosting your first backyard BBQ of the year. But as you celebrate the long weekend, take a moment to remember what Memorial Day stands for: A time to honor those members of the military who have given their lives in service to our country and be thankful for the service of those who are still with us today.
It’s likely that you know someone who is currently serving in the military or who has served — for me, it's my husband. He has been an infantryman with the Montana National Guard for the past 19 years and has served on two deployments to Iraq plus several other local and overseas missions during that time. He is currently serving in an active duty role as the Readiness NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) for his unit.
Before (left) my husband’s second deployment to Iraq and the day he returned home (right). During his second deployment, our oldest was just 13 months old and he deployed for a little over one year.
As a military family, I am so grateful for the opportunities that my husband’s service has afforded us. But above all, I’m most grateful he’s home. Although he constantly tries to reassure me that he’s “invincible,” that painstaking feeling of losing him when he’s away still lingers.
To me, that is the most difficult part of being a military family — not the times when I have to parent my four children alone or the times I have to be the jack of all trades when he’s gone, but the times he may not come home. Perhaps my fear lies in that one phone call from his first deployment, where we were talking and a mortar (propelled rocket) hit his military base or the stories of how many times he was hit by an IED (Improvised Explosive Device) on a mission or maybe it’s the thought of knowing a number of service members who have died. I can’t pinpoint what it is that still makes me worry, even after nearly 20 years of being a military family.
One aspect that eases my worry and keeps me grounded through uncertain times are the relationships I’ve developed with other military families. I’ve asked a few of them to share what being a military family is like for them.
My longtime friend, Katherine, has pretty much been my sounding board to all things military. Her husband began his military career in an enlisted role in the Marines and he is currently serving as an officer in the Army. We met when her husband joined the Montana National Guard while he was attending college at the University of Montana. She shared this with me:
“There are so many rewarding aspects of being a military family, it’s hard to narrow down to only a few. We have had the opportunity to live in the most incredible places; Germany, the Gulf Coast of Florida, and Washington D.C. to name a few. We have been blessed to experience so many different walks of lives and cultures, not to mention the friendships we have forged along the way.
The most difficult aspects of the military are the things a lot of people take for granted. The distance from our extended family, the lack of stability, and frequently changing schools with children who have special educational needs make this life a challenge. A night at Grandma’s or being there in a family emergency isn’t as easy when you live on the other side of the country.
I’m most grateful for the support and appreciation for what my husband does and for the communities that always embrace us. This life has its challenges, but it is made easier knowing people understand the sacrifices. My husband loves what he does, and we love the ability to support him in serving his country.”
My friend Sarah and I share similar situations as moms of three boys and both of our husbands serving in active duty roles with the Montana National Guard. Serving in an active duty role with the National Guard is similar to other branches, but movement happens within the state. The National Guard can get called to deploy overseas or serve on missions for the state like natural disasters. Sarah is definitely a super-mom… she’s been homeschooling long before the pandemic hit and her husband is gone quite a bit in his role with the Guard. She shared this with me:
“One of the most rewarding parts of being a military family is knowing that our sacrifices have a lasting effect on the well-being of the people in our state, nation and world. My husband’s profession serves as an example to our sons of what hard work, selflessness, and integrity are. As a military family, we have a strong respect for anyone who wears a uniform or protects our way of life. I think our experiences as a military family make us more sensitive to seeing the good in our communities, respecting those who make a difference in them, and finding more ways to help.
The most difficult part for our family is not always knowing when we will be together or for how long. As a service member, my husband has a responsibility to his commitments to defending our country and serving in whatever capacity is needed. This means that sometimes our family has to be creative in staying connected when we can’t be together and making the most of the time we do have. As a mother, it is hard to see my kids struggle with understanding why their dad can’t be at home or why they can’t call him.
I am thankful that we get to live in this beautiful state and still play an important role in the strength and security of our country. It is an honor which I do not take for granted, to be counted among many other military families who sacrifice to support our soldiers. I am especially grateful for the safety, opportunities, and liberties that the United States affords me and my family.”
Above all, we are most thankful that our service members are home with us, now more than ever. For so many military members that aren’t with us today, our hearts go out to their loved ones. In honor of those who have given the ultimate sacrifice, we salute you.
One of the perks of being a military kid is getting to see all the neat stuff your parent does!
