You Are Not Defined By a Number
First and foremost, I want to say that: YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY A NUMBER.
Neither am I.
It’s taken me a long time (and will be a forever work in progress) to love myself fully, despite the numbers attached to my being. My weight. My pants size. My follower count.
More or less, I’ve finally found myself in a place of accepting my body. Maybe not fully loving her every inch, but loving her for her pure existence. For the things she does for me. For carrying me through life, growing my precious daughter, taking me on adventures.
And still, I’m on a weight loss journey. And I feel like both those things can co-exist. I can love myself, exactly as I am, and I can also want to form healthier habits. I can not beat myself up for having to put on size 20 jeans and buy an XXL shirt earlier this summer, and I can also celebrate wearing my size 16 jeans on our date night last week and purchasing a couple new fall sweaters in size L.
I set a goal to lose 100 pounds in a year. By June 21, 2021. Today I passed the 20lb mark. The first big benchmark goal I set. And I’m so proud of myself! But I want to be clear that it’s not all about the numbers.
For me, this journey is about being the best version of myself I can be. I want to chase after my toddler and not get winded. I want to walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for air. I want to fuel my body with foods that nourish it and give me energy. I want to plan adventures with my husband and not worry about if I can actually do them. I want to use food as a way to nourish my body instead of a way to cope with hard emotions.
The me that stepped on the scale on June 21st to see her heaviest weight staring back at her didn’t wince in disgust at the number. She knew she was worthy and enough and beautiful regardless of those numbers, but she also knew that she was on an unhealthy path that did not lead to the life she wanted to live. So she decided to make changes. And the me standing here today, 20 pounds lighter, is super thankful for the girl who loved herself enough as she was, AND still chose to chase after being healthier.
And I’m just getting started.